With Him

I just want to be with Him.  That is my answer to most anything these days.

I want to be with Him- Jesus.  He is the one that I am longing for more each day.  I have known Him in the loud and in the quiet.  He has sat on my bedside and caught my tears.  He has wandered down forest trails with me and tenderly carried my questions.  He has whispered His truth over the injustices I have faced.  He has been my companion in lonely, empty places.  He has felt the heavy sighs of my failures.  He has scooped me up in His arms and welcomed me back into His presence. He has traced the countless cracks in my broken heart.  He has lifted my chin and smiled over me.

This is where I want to be, ever with Him.

With Him on the issues that threaten to crack the world in two.  With Him when He pours value on the oppressed.  With Him when the "me toos" fill the airways, and I am weeping with my sisters.  With Him when the angry mob cries for peace on earth.  I want to be with Him when I am lost and confused with which way to turn.  I want to be with Him when I walk into any room, stand before an audience and speak any word.  I long to be with Him like He is with me.

He is constant.  He is true.  He loves me so perfectly, so unconditionally.
He requires of me no resume, no explanation, no performance.  He is just with me and for me. There are no rules, no limitations.  There is Him, and there is His invitation.

I know this work I do, this life I live; it is full of purpose when it is with Him.  The meaning of it all is rich and beautiful when passed through His hands.  Even when I am overlooked, undervalued, pre-judged - He sees the truth.  When I overdo it, seek too much accolade, fall victim, to pride-  He opens His arms to my feebleness.  When I am exhausted, poured out, and keenly aware of my humanity, He is there with perfect strength.

He cracked open His very life for mine.  He spilled His blood for my tender, human heart.  He held back the stones meant for my demise.  He healed the disease of my soul.  He poured His honor over my head, and I crave to ever be with Him.

He created me in His image, and He said it was good.  He broke His body when I broke His holiness.  He's proved time over time His faithfulness in the face of my unfaithfulness.  He shows up in the places where grace seemed least likely.  He is quiet, He is loud, He is soft, and He is fierce.  I don't want to be without Him.

And when I open my hand to those who haven't yet found Him, I am overtaken with His love.  I  crave deeply that this fractured world around me would know of His goodness. I spend my days, my years carving paths in the sand to lead others to Him.   I pour out words and hours, sweat and tears because I have been with Him, and He is worth it all.

His presence in celebration, in tragedy, in grief -and in triumph, is the most tangible presence in the narrative of my life.  When doubters spill their fears at my feet, I know in quiet confidence the surety of His truth.  This quiet solidarity of His abiding with me is the bedrock of my being.  He has journeyed with me since childhood.  He has handled the seasons of my life with grace and beauty.  He has allowed me to grow and expand in His embrace.  He has been the refuge at every age.



Someday, my faith will be sight.  Someday, His presence will illuminate my face as it has illuminated my soul.  Someday, there will be holy high-fives for the completed journey.  It will be stunning, sweeping, and utterly leveling to look into the eyes of my Savior.

What love is this?  What proper adjectives could I string together to possibly speak of the fullness of His closeness?  I am undone in my efforts.  I just want to be with Him, always.  And the very best part...

I will be, always, with Him.